


but the end will be the dirt between us

by AuroraWest, Nonexistenz



Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Biphobia, Bisexual Stephen Strange, Established Relationship, Fluff without Plot, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Naked Cuddling, POV Stephen Strange, Past Relationship(s), Period-Typical Homophobia, Romantic Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Spooning, and soft boys cuddling, this is literally just an excuse for sleepy banter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:07:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28613313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraWest/pseuds/AuroraWest, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nonexistenz/pseuds/Nonexistenz
Summary: There was something nice about being with Loki, who was just…Loki.There was something nice about the fact that it felt like their hips had been made to fit together.Stephen wakes up in the middle of the night and reflects. Loki being there makes all of it seem unimportant.
Relationships: Loki/Stephen Strange
Comments: 18
Kudos: 76
Collections: Froststrange Week 2021





	but the end will be the dirt between us

**Author's Note:**

> For Froststrange Week day 5, prompt 'falling asleep.'
> 
> Now with gorgeous art by Nonexistenz!! 😄

The first time Stephen came out, like really, officially came out, was his senior year of college.

He’d hooked up with plenty of guys by that time. No shortage of dudes at parties who were ‘just curious,’ and who acted like they weren’t interested in blowing another guy except under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol. There was something Stephen kind of preferred about the ones who maintained they were straight. In some way, it probably made him feel better about himself, because even though Stephen didn’t really know what he _was_ , he knew he wasn’t straight. At least he wasn’t pretending.

But he’d never _said_ it out loud. It took him a long time to even figure out the word. There was an afternoon, mid-October, when his then-girlfriend and he had just finished having sex. Stephen had rolled over onto his side to unpeel the condom and toss it in the trash, and then, on a whim, he’d grabbed her hand and looped her arm around him, so that her front was pressed against his back.

“What are you doing?” she’d asked.

“Uh, spooning?” he’d said.

“We’re doing it backwards. I’m supposed to be the little spoon.”

“Why?” Stephen had asked, sleepy with a post-sex glow.

“Because it’s gay for you to be the little spoon,” she’d said testily.

The glow had vanished. He’d rolled over and looked at her. “Yeah, well, I’m bi,” he’d said.

The way she’d looked at him had annoyed him—and totally taken away any relief or happiness he might have felt at finally saying this out loud. “What do you mean?” she’d asked, sounding horrified. He’d wanted to say she shouldn’t ask stupid questions when she obviously already knew exactly what he meant.

But he’d indulged her. “Bisexual.”

“Oh my god, you’re gay,” she’d said.

“I’m _bi_ ,” Stephen had repeated. “I’m into women and men.”

She’d grown more aghast. “Has your _dick_ been in another guy’s _asshole?_ ”

It was none of her business, but by this point, he’d been irritated. They’d been together for like five months and she was acting like he’d transformed into a different person in front of her. Every single time they’d fucked, he had been a person who also wanted to fuck men. But it was pretty clear that her now becoming _aware_ of this fact was what mattered. So he’d looked at her and said, “Yep. And I’ve had other guys’ dicks in my ass.”

She’d walked out. When he’d tried to talk to her a couple weeks later, she’d said she couldn’t get over the fact that he’d had sex with men.

Dumb memories came back to him at weird times. The whole thing had been forever ago, but he thought about it whenever he spooned with someone. It took years for it to not annoy him. She definitely wasn’t the last person to act like a POS about the fact that he was bi, so he started telling people on first dates. Or before second base. People told him he had to be gay or straight, he couldn’t be both. It was beneath him to explain that he wasn’t both, he was bi, and that was neither.

It had mostly become a moot point, because he’d pretty much stopped dating. Pretty much stopped hooking up, too. There had been an English doctor—English guys; Stephen had a real weakness for them—and Christine, and then nobody for a long time.

Sirens went by outside. Stephen had forgotten to shut the window before they’d gone to bed last night. The sound made the warm body behind him stir. There was a slow breath in, then out, and then Loki said, “You’re awake.”

“Guess we have that in common,” Stephen said, smiling.

“Mm.” Loki wiggled and the weight of his hand suddenly slithered onto Stephen’s bare leg. It crept upwards, trailing from mid-thigh, along his hip, and up to his stomach. Fingers played with the hair below Stephen’s navel. “What are you thinking about?”

What _had_ he been thinking about? Something stupid. Because he’d woken up and felt Loki’s warmth behind him and thought, _This is the best it’s ever been—and it will never get any better._

Look. Stephen had been forty-eight years old when Loki and he had gotten together. He was over the labels and the gatekeeping and feeling like his sexuality was something of note. But there was something nice about being with Loki, who was just… _Loki_. There was something nice about the fact that it felt like their hips had been made to fit together, whether Stephen was behind him, holding his Asgardian lover close, or whether Loki was behind him, his strong arms wrapped around Stephen.

“Just thinking about you,” Stephen said. Which was true. All thoughts led back to Loki.

Behind Stephen, Loki made a noise, wriggling again. It was something Loki did when he was happy, though Stephen wasn’t sure he even knew he did it. But it always made Stephen smile. There was a really particular joy in making Loki happy, and it was something that Stephen would never, ever get tired of. He’d given up on this ever happening for him. Finding the one person who fit against you, who got so entangled with your life that you couldn’t imagine disentangling them, or even wanting to? Had he _ever_ thought it would happen for him?

Probably not. It was kind of a sappy idea. The whole finding-the-love-of-your-life thing. He hadn’t really looked, because he hadn’t thought he’d find happiness in another person.

“Sounds unpleasant,” Loki murmured, though there was that note of sharp amusement in his voice that had been the very first thing to reel Stephen in all those years ago.

“Uh huh, self-disparaging humor; I haven’t heard that one before.”

Loki laughed softly. His lips pressed against the back of Stephen’s head, whispering over his hair, and trailed down his neck. When he got to Stephen’s shoulders, Loki sighed. “What were you really thinking about?”

Finding Loki’s hand and covering it with his own, Stephen said, “The first time I told someone I’m bi.”

“Is that a happy memory?” Loki sounded like he already knew.

But Stephen still responded, “Not really. Girlfriend. Well, ex. Didn’t take it well.”

“Her loss and my gain,” Loki said sleepily. His fingers intertwined with Stephen’s and his nose pressed into the back of Stephen’s neck. The tip was cool. “No point in dwelling on the past.” There was a pause. Stephen wondered if Loki was going to say that he wasn’t very good at practicing what he preached. But instead, he added, “Unless you’d like me to kill her?”

“Probably not necessary.”

There was a shrug behind him, Loki’s shoulders rolling up and back. Stephen reached a hand around, running his palm up Loki’s bicep. He loved Loki’s arms, strong and defined, and he relished the nights that they fucked and Loki fell asleep without getting dressed again, so he could feel every inch of Loki’s Asgardian physique against him. Loki’s body was perfect.

Stephen rolled over to face Loki. Before he’d even quite found Loki’s face, Loki’s mouth was on his. The kiss was insistent, a little desperate, a little frantic, the way Loki always kissed. There was always tongue. No messing around with Loki. When he wanted to kiss you, he wanted to kiss you. Sliding his arm around Loki’s back, Stephen kissed Loki in return; maybe a little slower, a little less frantic, but with the same amount of feeling, the same amount of _I need this; I need you; I want this forever_.

“I’m glad you’re here, Loki,” Stephen murmured.

Kissing the corner of Stephen’s mouth, then along his jaw, Loki replied, “Likewise.” He put his arms around Stephen. “I’ll kill anyone you want me to, you know.”

“Great, thanks.”

“That’s true love, Strange.”

Stephen chuckled. “Uh huh.”

There was a smile against his face before Loki kissed him again. He felt soft and sleepy in Stephen’s arms. “I actually would do just about anything for you.”

Running fingers into Loki’s hair, Stephen asked, “Oh yeah?”

Loki yawned. “Would I say it if I didn’t mean it?”

The yawn was a nice touch. But Stephen guessed he’d tired Loki out earlier. Stephen kissed him again, slowly. “Go back to sleep. You’re being sentimental.”

“Mm. Don’t want that,” Loki mumbled.

Stephen held him closer for a moment before turning around again. Loki’s strong arms wrapped him up, one of his hands finding Stephen’s and covering it, and Loki sighed and said, “I love you, Stephen.”

“I love you too,” Stephen said, closing his eyes. Loki kissed his bare shoulders, and then Stephen drifted back to sleep.


End file.
